


It's a Magical Place

by infiniteeight



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Episode: s01e01 Pilot, First Time, LMD fic, M/M, but the end notes will spoil the entire point of the fic, but this still feels fluffy to me, see the end notes if you're feeling iffy about that LMD tag, which means that the major character death is only sort of fixed, your call
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 16:20:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteeight/pseuds/infiniteeight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson knows himself better than people apparently realize. But what difference does it make? He would say none, except...Clint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Magical Place

**Author's Note:**

> I really struggled with how to tag and warn this. If you want more detail about that LMD tag and don't mind spoiling the end of the story, please see the end notes.

_It's a magical place._

It's a test: do they know? Something in Maria's expression tightens, ever so slightly, and he knows she knows. Ward just looks confused. 

It's also a hint at Phil's frustration. Does Maria really believe he hasn't realized what must have happened? What they did? Maybe he wasn't aware of the possibility, before. Maybe the memories are perfect. But Phil knows his body better than anyone, and he knows this isn't the body he started out with.

The lingering after effects of the injury that killed him are perfectly executed. Of course they are--SHIELD has complete records of that. The scar on his chest seems real in every respect. He has the shortness of breath and the occasional protest of damaged muscles that you'd expect after being stabbed through the chest. All of that is just as he'd expect, if he lived through such an injury. But he was fifty years old before he died, and his body was full of aches that he never bothered reporting because there's no cure for age. (Yet.)

His left knee used to throb when he crouched down for too long. He used to get headaches when he spent too long reading without his glasses. He used to carry his stress in his shoulders, until knots developed in his muscles that only a professional masseuse could get out. It's all gone now.

Once he started paying attention, he realized that nothing tasted quite the same as it used to, even when he cooked it meticulously himself. Colors were just a hair shifted. Anything that couldn't be recorded or inferred externally was ever so slightly off.

After everything he'd seen, it didn't take that long to talk himself into sneaking a minute on one of medical's ultrasound machines. Phil wasn't a doctor, but he'd seen enough ultrasounds of various body parts to know what they should look like. And what they shouldn't.

He's a beautifully crafted machine, but he's still a machine.

For the most part, he doesn't actually mind. Knowing that the original Phil Coulson has died doesn't stop him from _feeling_ like Phil Coulson. As far as he knows, he's every bit as much Coulson as the flesh and blood one was--a few drinks and trading a couple secrets with Maria was enough to confirm that he has the complete set of memories, no gaps and nothing crafted. If everyone is willing to accept him as Phil, and he feels like he is Phil...then what's the difference?

Except...

Clint.

He'd thought, or hoped, that something was developing there. A dozen times, they'd been on the edge of breaking the tension between them. Clint had always pulled back, though. Phil had been willing to wait until he was ready.

But it's too late, now. Maria might be willing to let him be Phil, but Clint has always been brutal in his honesty, his insistence on calling bullshit when he sees it. Clint won't willfully forget the difference.

Phil isn't even sure that Clint will forgive him when the "deception" regarding his death comes out. So it's a surprise when, about a week after the Union Station confrontation, Phil gets back to his apartment and finds Clint lounging on his couch. Clint looks up at him and smiles a little.

"Barton." Phil begins. "I--"

Clint cuts him off before he can get the apology out. "I hear you spent some time in Tahiti." It's not an accusation. It's...hopeful?

Phil pauses for a long moment. "It's a magical place," he says carefully.

Clint's smile grows. "For some of us." He gives Phil a moment to absorb that. "You remember? After Budapest, I spent a couple months in Tahiti myself."

Phil can't quite breathe. He crosses the room and sinks down onto the couch next to Clint. "I remember." That was when the tension between them had plateaued, Clint always pulling back.

Now, he's sliding closer. Turning towards Phil. Putting a hand on his thigh. Leaning closer.

"Those of us who've been," Clint says quietly, "are never quite sure how everyone else will feel about it."

Phil meets Clint's gaze. "I know just what you mean." He licks his lips, and now, now that's all the invitation Clint needs.

Their mouths come together in rush, open and hungry all at once, years of waiting finally behind them. Clint is astride Phil's lap in a moment, and the last really coherent thought Phil has is to be grateful that Clint most certainly isn't ignoring the difference between him and the original Phil Coulson.

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER FOR THE STORY:
> 
>  
> 
> Phil realized that he really did die during the Avengers--he's now an LMD that thinks and feels just like Phil. But he's not the only one--he finds out that Clint was replaced by an LMD awhile ago. And then they live happily ever after together.


End file.
